A City, For Me To Poop On

A Bridge for me to Poop On

The outrage du jour in our fair city seems to be the unpleasantry of dog poop on the pedestrian bridge from indiscriminately pooping dogs. Or, perhaps better stated: indiscriminate dog owners who shun their accorded responsibility as a dog owner.

Admittedly, this should not stand and steps such as steep fines or other deterrents seem wholly appropriate.

That said, I then wondered why such outrage now on pooping on the bridge when , figuratively speaking, the bridge has been consistently pooped on even before it was built and even before the first sketch was drawn. Regrettably, pooping on the bridge is not a new phenomenon;  it’s gone on for years;  it’s just that the actors are different. And honestly, the same cast of actors have pooped not only on the bridge but pretty much the whole city.

Seemingly inspired by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, when any progressive proposal or initiative put forth to move the city forward comes along, this cast — let’s call them the Triumphs (sans the self-awareness and sans wit) — view any such initiative as something “For me to poop on”.

So when the Triumphs learned of a bridge as away to revitalize waterfront, that was simply a “Bridge to Nowhere” — a more media friendly soundbite than “A bridge for me to poop on”.

Or when Chalmers was being proposed as a residential development project meant to bring people and capital to the city, that was another idea embraced by the Triumphs as “A potential game changer for me to poop on”.

Or when the city wanted to spend money on promotion or advertising to counter its public image, that was , to the Triumphs, “Marketing and promoting our city, for me to poop on”.

And the list goes on.

The notion of “A city for me to poop on” is unquestionable and illustrated in this study of local attitudes ( Survey finds residents have dim view of Amsterdam) :

“Amsterdam has a reputation for its negativity, but there’s still an aspect out there — people still think a good future is possible,” von Hasseln said. “That’s a very important thing.”

Yet, the pooping on our city championed by the Triumphs and embraced by their rapt supporters never, ever met the outrage generated by the present day pooping. Instead, the Triumphs got elected; they got appointed; they got to write columns and op-ed pieces; they got their own radio shows. Apparently, the Triumphs’ mantra of “for me to poop on” when it came to our city worked out pretty well for them.

For the city though, the only triumph will be a small , lower-case one — we can probably get rid of the poop on the bridge. I doubt we can really deal with the poop everywhere else, that’s considered a Triumph.

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